The hall was packed out, by the time Tosin and the group arrived in
front of the building. From outside the venue, one could hear the sound
of the music- it's was crisp and clear: every artiste's dream. He had
high hopes for the night. Another of the guest music minister was
leading the people in Western styled praise songs and the atmosphere was
charged.
"You're Toship right?" Asked a slightly tall, fair complexioned girl, who had walked up to the group as they made to walk for the church building. She reminded him of Doyin, with whom he had broken his vows of sexual chastity with two months and a half back -a terrible mistake -which had repeated twice since after the first encounter.The condemnation and disappointment he felt in himself, since the last encounter was wearing off. About the night of passion, when they had had sex, he wondered how something that felt so good be bad. Well, it had to feel good or desirable to be a bonafide temptation. Torn between a small part of him craving another experience and his love for God, he somehow feared, it would repeat again. He needed to talk to someone, someone spiritually mature enough to help, yet in touch with humanity enough to understand his failings, without damning him, to wield the rod. But who?
"You're Minister Tosin, Sir?" She asked again, speaking slowly this time for emphasis. Tosin nodded, swiping his hands over the edge of the shiny, silver colored blazers he wore. The girl had a mild smile on, all the while she spoke, with eyes that seemed to dance and hold much more than the holy admiration...He stopped his thoughts, he had a ministration to do. 'No distractions Tosin; anointing has to flow!', he chided himself. Then his eyes fell on the tag pinned on her blouse: 'PROTOCOL.'
'Yes, I am Tosin...Toship' he spoke out. And flashed her, his 'man-of-God-ish' smile. She smiled back and pointed towards the church, 'This way please...' she gestured, and led him and the group towards the church. 'Toship' was a portmanteau word from Tosin and Worship, that had become his stage name of sorts. Leading in worship was almost the trademark of Tosin.
As they got near the building, Chimezie, the President of SWAT-P, Single With A True Purpose, came out smiling broadly. He had seen them coming from inside the church and had come out to welcome them.
'Haddon! Our very own Deitrich Haddon!' Chimezie hailed as he shook Tosin's hand vigorously and they hugged warmly, 'I'm glad you could make it brother!' He said as they were led to the pavilion attached to the church office besides the church's main auditorium.
Chimezie and Tosin had been friends since their childhood. They grew up in the same orthodox church. From the children church to the teens church, both were active. Chimezie leaned more towards public speaking and preaching while Tosin advanced in singing. Whenever their church had a program, he was featured as worship leader. Even Rev. Benedict, who wasn't fond of the youth church and what he termed 'the affinity to worldly compromises of youths', gave Tosin some freedom to organize the adult choir as he saw fit. When he led worship, it was not uncommon to find large segments of the congregation spontaneously kneeling, lying, weeping -lost in the presence of God. On two separate occasions, unclean spirits had thrown a woman and a young girl to the floor, screaming as they came out of them during worship. No hands were laid, no prayers said, just worship! There had also been reported incidents of miraculous healings on many such occasions.
'One day, you will be just like Ron kenoly, traveling around the world and spreading the gospel through music.' Rev Benedict once told him while in his office, 'Nobody can deny that that your voice has been anointed and God wants to use you.' The good Reverend hardly spoke glowing words like this to people much more any one from the youth church. He was very conscious of not 'giving the glory of God to these zealous, inexperienced rascals!' No matter how much they had accomplished, he felt this their funky salvation and worship was too modern, too flaky to be pleasing to God. Tosin knew Rev. too well to take his words lightly.
'Thank you daddy, thank you so much.' he had replied as he got up to leave.
'One more thing Tosin.' Rev called out as he walked out and was about to close the office's huge, wooden door. He pushed open the door and came back in, Rev was writing on some thick records books and spoke without looking up.
'Many are called and many are gifted at the bottom, but we see only very few of these gifted ones that finally make it to maximum ministry potential at the top. And out of that few that make it to the top, even fewer, remain at the top to finish strong.' Then Rev dropped his pen and looked up for his last statement. His eyes peered from above his glasses that hung loosely at the tip of his nose, his graying eyebrows furrowed. He leaned forward as both his elbows rested on his large cushioned mahogany table and spoke slowly.
'Tosin my boy, with such great gift as yours, comes great responsibility and more potholes and ditches on the path to destiny. Three things to be careful about boy: pride, money and women - they can soil and wreck the ministry God has given you, before you start! You may go.'
'Thank you daddy, by God's grace, I'll be careful sir.'
As he left Rev's office those words rang on, in his head all day. 'Pride. Money. Women. They could wreck the ministry God has given you before you start!'
That was three years ago, he had finally left his childhood church. Chimezie had left first. They found it hard transiting from the exciting fellowship they had at the youth church to the more mellow monotonous routine of the adult church. From missing midweek services they finally left -many youths did too. Outside the orthodox circle, things were done a bit differently from the way he had been used to but he soon caught up and joined the Citywide Mass choir; comprising of talented music ministers from church choirs all over town. His grace brought him to fore and soon he was made assistant music director. Invitations to minister at concerts began coming in, with almost every weekend being booked with too or more ministrations.
At first, they were few and he accepted all invitations. He would fast on Fridays as a discipline and in preparation. Then the grace seemed to increase as he did. The presence and manifestations at each meeting increased. Then more opportunities came, without consideration he still kept on accepting all invitations, the honorariums, though infrequent, helped with a few bills. This meant he had less time for personal fellowship, he soon began to burn out but had to keep up appearances at ministrations and events. It was at this low period that he met Doyin. Rev was right. Though Doyin might have been the first time he actually fell into immorality, but it seemed it was long coming. If he were an unbeliever, the stream of available ladies would have been a buffet: more than a few ladies had shown obvious interest in him but Doyin was the most bold of them. An acquaintance who noticed had casually remarked that the consistent stream of admirers was the 'curse of the men who had flute for voices' -whatever that meant. Doyin's forwardness is what eventually landed them in fornication.
She was an only daughter of a pius father from Holiness First Assembly, a very strict church. She had caused her parents much heart ache with what they thought was her sudden change for the worse. She turned wild and didn't return home on a few night, earning herself beatings which seemed to harden her more than curtail her excesses. Little did they know that what they thought of as 'sudden' loss of interest for God in their daughter, was actually a climax of slowly built resentment, over the years, for what she saw as dead and useless routines in church that lacked any real impact in her parent's lives beyond the provision of a moral code. She now lived in school, which though was in the same city as her family, hardly ever made her visit home except on long holidays. She felt bad for influencing Tosin wrongly and the initial desire to rebel against the stifling control of her parents over her at 21, that had driven her more into the many vices since her university admission was weakening too. Tosin had been the only inspiration she had had in years to take a second look at the Christian faith; just a second look, nothing too serious. He had substance; his, was a living faith.
On campus, she gave no hint of her religious upbringing: she neither attended church or any fellowship. She met Tosin when she had accompanied Amanda, after much pleading to a concert where Tosin sang. The people falling 'under the power' or crying didn't so much interest her, it was a curious sight though. The voice, his gesticulation and sincerity as he sang was what caught her. For all she cared, to her, it was like having Justin Bieber sing her a love song! She was more than impressed and walked up to him after the concert and told him so. She got his number just before he left. From her first call, they clicked, as she too shared a passion for singing and good music though she didn't do much with that interest. She began attending any concert he was billed for, then things got heated between them and then turned sour. It was with great insistence that he finally got her to honor their agreement to reduce all contact; calls, SMS, visits to avoid another immoral slip, though they still remained friends. There last contact had been weeks before the SWAT-P's concert.
As Chimezie briefed Tosin on the program, his mind drifted. He knew Doyin would be somewhere within the building -she always attending any concert he ministered at. He hoped she wouldn't be anywhere in front. He had spent a good amount of time praying and preparing for this ministration, seeing her while he ministered could kill the 'flow.' Self forgiveness definitely is the hardest form of forgiveness, he knew that firsthand: 'We must learn to forgive ourselves or we will underlive our potentials.' - easier said than done, he thought to himself. He knew God had forgiven his slip but seeing Doyin would kill it for him. 'Oh God, please forgive me.' He repeated under his breath, for the umpteenth time.
'Please is Minister Toship ready?' A young usher interrupted, panting, looking from one side of the waiting room to the other. He obviously didn't know which of the many in the room was Toship.
'He is to come up next as the Vessels of God will be wrapping up their ministration'
Several other program officials and guest where in the pavillon, preparing for their ministrations, including the famed Dancers for Christ (D4C). It was a crowded scenario. Chimezie turned from the usher to Tosin, as if to enquire of his readiness.
'I'm set!' Tosin replied. His mouth suddenly becoming dry.
It was that moment of ambivalence: excitement mixed with anxiety just before mounting a pulpit. Adrenaline rush. No matter how many times one mounted the pulpit, you always had the butterflies before going up.
'You're ready?' The usher asked again, now looking in the direction of Tosin and Chimezie. Tosin reached for the plastic bottle of Eva water, raised it to his mouth and took a gulp. 'Yes. I'm set...but tell them not to bother calling me up specially, I will just go up as VOG comes down.'
SWAT-P was the youth wing of Calvary Worship center (CWC), what many would call a modern church. CWC had just one branch and they were doing quite well in ministry, having about 2,500 members at their weekly service. Though they had a smaller facility for the youth church, Pastor Teju, the founding Pastor, on Chimezie's request permitted the youths to use the bigger main auditorium for their concert. It was a magnificent structure, the stage beautifully decorated in gold and purple silk draperies and an all glass pulpit.
The congregation was still screaming, as the Vessels of God, the popular Gospel rock band, had finished ministering. Tosin walked up towards the platform amidst the noise.
"Oh God, you are the giver of all good and perfect gifts, I recognize you as the source of strength and present myself as your vessel. Use me!"
He finished his usual prayer, silently under his breath, just in time as he got to the mic stand that was holding the lead cordless microphone. Shadrach, Tosin's friend and keyboardist, who had already gone up earlier, began playing to Donnie McClurkin's tune 'I will lift my voice and I will sing...I will sing holy, holy.' before Tosin could even lead the song, the congregation had picked the tune and the backup singers had joined in. It was beautiful harmony of sounds at first, then souls and hearts blended in unity of worship to God. The sound was really good. Pastor Teju, unlike a few other ministers in town, knew the importance of music, music ministers and their equipments. He supported them greatly.
As the worship progressed, the presence of God could be felt strongly in the auditorium. Hands were lifted up to God from every direction, many eyes were streaming tears. A young man at the back was rolling on the floor, it was all one could see to understand the meaning of 'worship unscripted.'
'I'll never find another...saviour, saviour like you...' as Tosin voice rose, laden with emotion as he began to sing his last chorus. It felt like a wave swept through the hall and sudden outbursts of cries and sobs could be heard from various parts of the hall. It was the convicting power of the Holy Spirit, without words or any altar call people started coming forward to kneel at the base of the podium.
Tosin's head and left arm were lifted up towards heaven in worship, tears streamed down the sides of his cheek. As he brought down his head, he could see a figure walking up from the left aisle towards the podium. The auditorium lights were arranged such that more light power was projected on the stage while the congregation section had mild light. Thus it was a bit difficult to see the faces in the congregation. As the figure approached the light, he began to make out the features.
His mouth felt suddenly dry, the euphoria of the worship seemed to pause abruptly. 'Oh no!' He thought. It was Doyin and she was making her way towards him, to the front...
"You're Toship right?" Asked a slightly tall, fair complexioned girl, who had walked up to the group as they made to walk for the church building. She reminded him of Doyin, with whom he had broken his vows of sexual chastity with two months and a half back -a terrible mistake -which had repeated twice since after the first encounter.The condemnation and disappointment he felt in himself, since the last encounter was wearing off. About the night of passion, when they had had sex, he wondered how something that felt so good be bad. Well, it had to feel good or desirable to be a bonafide temptation. Torn between a small part of him craving another experience and his love for God, he somehow feared, it would repeat again. He needed to talk to someone, someone spiritually mature enough to help, yet in touch with humanity enough to understand his failings, without damning him, to wield the rod. But who?
"You're Minister Tosin, Sir?" She asked again, speaking slowly this time for emphasis. Tosin nodded, swiping his hands over the edge of the shiny, silver colored blazers he wore. The girl had a mild smile on, all the while she spoke, with eyes that seemed to dance and hold much more than the holy admiration...He stopped his thoughts, he had a ministration to do. 'No distractions Tosin; anointing has to flow!', he chided himself. Then his eyes fell on the tag pinned on her blouse: 'PROTOCOL.'
'Yes, I am Tosin...Toship' he spoke out. And flashed her, his 'man-of-God-ish' smile. She smiled back and pointed towards the church, 'This way please...' she gestured, and led him and the group towards the church. 'Toship' was a portmanteau word from Tosin and Worship, that had become his stage name of sorts. Leading in worship was almost the trademark of Tosin.
As they got near the building, Chimezie, the President of SWAT-P, Single With A True Purpose, came out smiling broadly. He had seen them coming from inside the church and had come out to welcome them.
'Haddon! Our very own Deitrich Haddon!' Chimezie hailed as he shook Tosin's hand vigorously and they hugged warmly, 'I'm glad you could make it brother!' He said as they were led to the pavilion attached to the church office besides the church's main auditorium.
Chimezie and Tosin had been friends since their childhood. They grew up in the same orthodox church. From the children church to the teens church, both were active. Chimezie leaned more towards public speaking and preaching while Tosin advanced in singing. Whenever their church had a program, he was featured as worship leader. Even Rev. Benedict, who wasn't fond of the youth church and what he termed 'the affinity to worldly compromises of youths', gave Tosin some freedom to organize the adult choir as he saw fit. When he led worship, it was not uncommon to find large segments of the congregation spontaneously kneeling, lying, weeping -lost in the presence of God. On two separate occasions, unclean spirits had thrown a woman and a young girl to the floor, screaming as they came out of them during worship. No hands were laid, no prayers said, just worship! There had also been reported incidents of miraculous healings on many such occasions.
'One day, you will be just like Ron kenoly, traveling around the world and spreading the gospel through music.' Rev Benedict once told him while in his office, 'Nobody can deny that that your voice has been anointed and God wants to use you.' The good Reverend hardly spoke glowing words like this to people much more any one from the youth church. He was very conscious of not 'giving the glory of God to these zealous, inexperienced rascals!' No matter how much they had accomplished, he felt this their funky salvation and worship was too modern, too flaky to be pleasing to God. Tosin knew Rev. too well to take his words lightly.
'Thank you daddy, thank you so much.' he had replied as he got up to leave.
'One more thing Tosin.' Rev called out as he walked out and was about to close the office's huge, wooden door. He pushed open the door and came back in, Rev was writing on some thick records books and spoke without looking up.
'Many are called and many are gifted at the bottom, but we see only very few of these gifted ones that finally make it to maximum ministry potential at the top. And out of that few that make it to the top, even fewer, remain at the top to finish strong.' Then Rev dropped his pen and looked up for his last statement. His eyes peered from above his glasses that hung loosely at the tip of his nose, his graying eyebrows furrowed. He leaned forward as both his elbows rested on his large cushioned mahogany table and spoke slowly.
'Tosin my boy, with such great gift as yours, comes great responsibility and more potholes and ditches on the path to destiny. Three things to be careful about boy: pride, money and women - they can soil and wreck the ministry God has given you, before you start! You may go.'
'Thank you daddy, by God's grace, I'll be careful sir.'
As he left Rev's office those words rang on, in his head all day. 'Pride. Money. Women. They could wreck the ministry God has given you before you start!'
That was three years ago, he had finally left his childhood church. Chimezie had left first. They found it hard transiting from the exciting fellowship they had at the youth church to the more mellow monotonous routine of the adult church. From missing midweek services they finally left -many youths did too. Outside the orthodox circle, things were done a bit differently from the way he had been used to but he soon caught up and joined the Citywide Mass choir; comprising of talented music ministers from church choirs all over town. His grace brought him to fore and soon he was made assistant music director. Invitations to minister at concerts began coming in, with almost every weekend being booked with too or more ministrations.
At first, they were few and he accepted all invitations. He would fast on Fridays as a discipline and in preparation. Then the grace seemed to increase as he did. The presence and manifestations at each meeting increased. Then more opportunities came, without consideration he still kept on accepting all invitations, the honorariums, though infrequent, helped with a few bills. This meant he had less time for personal fellowship, he soon began to burn out but had to keep up appearances at ministrations and events. It was at this low period that he met Doyin. Rev was right. Though Doyin might have been the first time he actually fell into immorality, but it seemed it was long coming. If he were an unbeliever, the stream of available ladies would have been a buffet: more than a few ladies had shown obvious interest in him but Doyin was the most bold of them. An acquaintance who noticed had casually remarked that the consistent stream of admirers was the 'curse of the men who had flute for voices' -whatever that meant. Doyin's forwardness is what eventually landed them in fornication.
She was an only daughter of a pius father from Holiness First Assembly, a very strict church. She had caused her parents much heart ache with what they thought was her sudden change for the worse. She turned wild and didn't return home on a few night, earning herself beatings which seemed to harden her more than curtail her excesses. Little did they know that what they thought of as 'sudden' loss of interest for God in their daughter, was actually a climax of slowly built resentment, over the years, for what she saw as dead and useless routines in church that lacked any real impact in her parent's lives beyond the provision of a moral code. She now lived in school, which though was in the same city as her family, hardly ever made her visit home except on long holidays. She felt bad for influencing Tosin wrongly and the initial desire to rebel against the stifling control of her parents over her at 21, that had driven her more into the many vices since her university admission was weakening too. Tosin had been the only inspiration she had had in years to take a second look at the Christian faith; just a second look, nothing too serious. He had substance; his, was a living faith.
On campus, she gave no hint of her religious upbringing: she neither attended church or any fellowship. She met Tosin when she had accompanied Amanda, after much pleading to a concert where Tosin sang. The people falling 'under the power' or crying didn't so much interest her, it was a curious sight though. The voice, his gesticulation and sincerity as he sang was what caught her. For all she cared, to her, it was like having Justin Bieber sing her a love song! She was more than impressed and walked up to him after the concert and told him so. She got his number just before he left. From her first call, they clicked, as she too shared a passion for singing and good music though she didn't do much with that interest. She began attending any concert he was billed for, then things got heated between them and then turned sour. It was with great insistence that he finally got her to honor their agreement to reduce all contact; calls, SMS, visits to avoid another immoral slip, though they still remained friends. There last contact had been weeks before the SWAT-P's concert.
As Chimezie briefed Tosin on the program, his mind drifted. He knew Doyin would be somewhere within the building -she always attending any concert he ministered at. He hoped she wouldn't be anywhere in front. He had spent a good amount of time praying and preparing for this ministration, seeing her while he ministered could kill the 'flow.' Self forgiveness definitely is the hardest form of forgiveness, he knew that firsthand: 'We must learn to forgive ourselves or we will underlive our potentials.' - easier said than done, he thought to himself. He knew God had forgiven his slip but seeing Doyin would kill it for him. 'Oh God, please forgive me.' He repeated under his breath, for the umpteenth time.
'Please is Minister Toship ready?' A young usher interrupted, panting, looking from one side of the waiting room to the other. He obviously didn't know which of the many in the room was Toship.
'He is to come up next as the Vessels of God will be wrapping up their ministration'
Several other program officials and guest where in the pavillon, preparing for their ministrations, including the famed Dancers for Christ (D4C). It was a crowded scenario. Chimezie turned from the usher to Tosin, as if to enquire of his readiness.
'I'm set!' Tosin replied. His mouth suddenly becoming dry.
It was that moment of ambivalence: excitement mixed with anxiety just before mounting a pulpit. Adrenaline rush. No matter how many times one mounted the pulpit, you always had the butterflies before going up.
'You're ready?' The usher asked again, now looking in the direction of Tosin and Chimezie. Tosin reached for the plastic bottle of Eva water, raised it to his mouth and took a gulp. 'Yes. I'm set...but tell them not to bother calling me up specially, I will just go up as VOG comes down.'
SWAT-P was the youth wing of Calvary Worship center (CWC), what many would call a modern church. CWC had just one branch and they were doing quite well in ministry, having about 2,500 members at their weekly service. Though they had a smaller facility for the youth church, Pastor Teju, the founding Pastor, on Chimezie's request permitted the youths to use the bigger main auditorium for their concert. It was a magnificent structure, the stage beautifully decorated in gold and purple silk draperies and an all glass pulpit.
The congregation was still screaming, as the Vessels of God, the popular Gospel rock band, had finished ministering. Tosin walked up towards the platform amidst the noise.
"Oh God, you are the giver of all good and perfect gifts, I recognize you as the source of strength and present myself as your vessel. Use me!"
He finished his usual prayer, silently under his breath, just in time as he got to the mic stand that was holding the lead cordless microphone. Shadrach, Tosin's friend and keyboardist, who had already gone up earlier, began playing to Donnie McClurkin's tune 'I will lift my voice and I will sing...I will sing holy, holy.' before Tosin could even lead the song, the congregation had picked the tune and the backup singers had joined in. It was beautiful harmony of sounds at first, then souls and hearts blended in unity of worship to God. The sound was really good. Pastor Teju, unlike a few other ministers in town, knew the importance of music, music ministers and their equipments. He supported them greatly.
As the worship progressed, the presence of God could be felt strongly in the auditorium. Hands were lifted up to God from every direction, many eyes were streaming tears. A young man at the back was rolling on the floor, it was all one could see to understand the meaning of 'worship unscripted.'
'I'll never find another...saviour, saviour like you...' as Tosin voice rose, laden with emotion as he began to sing his last chorus. It felt like a wave swept through the hall and sudden outbursts of cries and sobs could be heard from various parts of the hall. It was the convicting power of the Holy Spirit, without words or any altar call people started coming forward to kneel at the base of the podium.
Tosin's head and left arm were lifted up towards heaven in worship, tears streamed down the sides of his cheek. As he brought down his head, he could see a figure walking up from the left aisle towards the podium. The auditorium lights were arranged such that more light power was projected on the stage while the congregation section had mild light. Thus it was a bit difficult to see the faces in the congregation. As the figure approached the light, he began to make out the features.
His mouth felt suddenly dry, the euphoria of the worship seemed to pause abruptly. 'Oh no!' He thought. It was Doyin and she was making her way towards him, to the front...
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