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WHEN CAN SHE LIVE ALONE?


When a guy graduates, gets a job and moves out of his parent's house; no one has issues with it. In fact, it's deemed maturity—he has become responsible. We clap for him; 'Papilo, you've made us proud!'

But it is almost controversial, for ladies to move out of the family house, even the ones working and doing well. The family opposes it and society generally frowns at it: it's almost looked on as immoral.

It's reasonable some times that fathers are unwilling to allow their working daughters move out, considering how young, graduates are these days and then security concerns of a female living alone in these perilous times.

So most females who are single and live alone, do so ONLY because they work in a different city from their parents plus it may be economical of having rent for just one residence.

Now, I'm not blind to those legitimate reasons for parents wanting to hold back their daughters neither am I just saying, young people should be running out of their parents house at the slightly opportunity just to show they've become their own person; neither am I 'trying to be better by copying the West' (I know in some of such places, you move out by 18, both males and females). The West is not heaven, while we may be able to learn some stuff from them, they don't have the blueprint of how we should pattern our society—at least not morally!

I'm trying to point out something that we are softly insinuating without speaking, with our attitudes we are saying, 'marriage is part of what makes a woman complete and a responsible adult'. While many people will recoil and disagree with that statement, they will support situations that provide impetus for such disposition.

Who's qualified to live alone? Any adult who can pay the bills, is supposed to be the answer, I believe. So what's the crown reason for fighting against capable ladies living alone? I'd tell you, it's vestiges of customs we can do without.

In most homes, the crown reason for holding ladies who can fend for themselves capably is: 'Somebody will have to come and marry you from your father's house so you don't APPEAR to be a loose girl'. Appearance controls us more than we may like to let on. It's what makes, a poor families borrow to bury their dead; a young couple borrow to do society wedding; a father disowning a pregnant teen... What will people think?

'What will people think about you living alone?' That appears harmless at first, right?

Yes, till you see that it contributes greatly to the pressure on our girls to marry to marry in order to be complete or be independent. Whereas marriage itself, is another phase of life where you need to check in with your spouse on many decisions.

I've never had a child before but I imagine allowing that little one of yesterday that depended on you for everything, to move out is one of the hardest things to do for doting parents but remember, if you were dead (God forbid), they'd have to cope in this 'evil world' without you; and they'd be fine!

I believe training kids should be like a coach of a football team: there's a stage you can have almost absolute control over the players—you can stop the match, give a lesson, make a correction, etc. They call it training. But there comes a time when they enter the field during a game, all you can do is shout out options/advice from the sideline, which they may or may not listen to. That's life. You are parent for life, but your job description as parent has adjustments as time goes on. Don't fight it (Some dads still beat their 25 year old working class daughters and worse).

Like in most things, there's no one rule fits all. Some people can be sensible and stable enough to live alone at 22 and others may still require some help at 30, parents should learn to trust God and the training they've given their children and let them go when they need to. I hope this provides something to think on.

Meanwhile, proponents of live with your parents till you marry, I'd like to hear your reasons, I may have missed some vital info.

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