I logged into my Facebook profile on Tuesday night, after a simple 3 months offline exercise and had hundreds of, mostly unrelated, notifications ('Bura Bari changed his Cover photo', 'Osayuwamen Favour Nosakhare commented on HER status', 'Abel posted a a picture with 42 others'...who e epp and how e take concern me?)
Along with the barrage of notifications were a couple of friend requests. One of the requests was odd, in that it was from a white woman. A real, white woman.
No, I'm not one of those freaked by meeting people of another race. It's just that you almost can't trust many European or American friend requests you get; especially from young beautiful 'women'. The sender is probably in one off campus lodge, in Nigeria (but trust the Filipino accounts, they're real—real recruiters for Alliance in Motion Global).
That aside, I have been waiting for a big business connect from 'The Abroad'. And this white woman was probably it—my time to go to the abroad, time to take pictures to post on Facebook to shame my village people, those asking me where my God is and time to play with snow had finally come.
I knew this Facebook account was most likely real: the posts and photos it had indicated so. It was unlike the 'hot' picture accounts you often see when a fake profile of one Jessica Altridge, Elgar Thompson, or when Jennifer Lopez sends you a friend request. The account owner looked slightly elderly.
To be honest, I didn't want to accept the request at first but she seemed like a nice, middle aged mother and I thought, what's the harm of once in a while rubbing minds, on a light note, with someone from another culture.
Besides, these days it is not strange to add someone and never talk to them. So, I added her along with some of the other friend requests that passed my Post-UME screening exercise and forgot about it (I rejected Bishop TD Jakes and Elon Musk's friend requests, though—I'm not ready to share my wisdom with them yet). Then she popped the big question.
I will return to complete that short encounter. But this is why I am writing this post; firstly to point out something that's not necessarily bad that we all do, which when not checked, however, can be misused and cause hurt to one or both parties involved.
I'm talking about stereotypes. It's pervasive in the human experience. When you say, 'wait, ordinary aboki dey drag seat with you...'; 'She's an Igbo girl, she must be following him for money'; 'She's a Calabar girl, they're like that' and similar things, that's the hand you're dealing.
Stereotype is like a mental short cut our mind uses to avoid the repetition of individual assessment of people and circumstances. 'I mean, why spend time looking up each unit of product, when you've already seen ten units of the hundred thousand available? Terrific logic, right? Wrong!
Here's the definitive thing about stereotypes, it is how you use it? Stereotyping can be used to achieve some good: stereotyping is the reason, Insurance company can predict a particular business or client is a wrong business choice with some accuracy (why insure a ship that will pass a territory owned by some ruthless Somalian pirates?) It's because of stereotypes that you received a hearing at the government office you went to the last time; for something as little as greeting appropriately when you found the officer in charge was from a certain tribe. You had heard of how they think there.
I dare say, most teaching done in schools is on stereotypes. The cases we meet in real life exceed the scope of our textbooks.
The dicey part is, though a times they increase the probability of an assertion being the case, stereotypes are not always true. For example, I grew up hearing a stereotype about Igbo people and 'their too much sense/wayo'. To my primary 2 mind, that meant that I and other Igbo kids were the only ones who sometimes said something as a cover and meant another— the only ones with capacity to trick people! I only lost that belief when some non-Igbo people did stuff to me in the boarding house during my secondary school education.
There's this stereotype, in some quarters that Yoruba people are dirty. So, mama Sikira with the dirty bukka is the measure for a whole tribe of over 2 million people? How unfair and insulting (not to mention the amusing Yoruba demon stereotype, popular in Lagos). A lot of stereotypes are simply untrue but the fact that someone has encountered a case or two that matches the stereotype, its as good as settled in heaven!
For every one scheming Igbo business man you may have met, there are one hundred, decent, hard working others, from that same ethnicity.
Stereotypes also produce prejudice. I lost an awesome job offer just because the person heard I was from Imo State! All my skill, experience: knowledge, above average written and oral communication skills, team player spirit/ghost plus my amiable personality that could have added value to their company went down the drain without even a consideration (this is one reason why among some HR professionals it is supported that, state of origin, age, marital status and gender should not included in CVs—unless they're matters resting on qualification relevant to the particular job description).
When I stand before you, I am all the data you need, don't go into your grand father's Biafra war stories to bring an encounter with an Imo State indigene to score me by.
Back to the American woman, Teresa Huck, whose friend request I accepted. She came inbox to chat, probably the cursory, 'Thanks for the add' stuff. I wasn't keen on it but it seemed like it could get meaningful, so I responded. Then she asked where I was chatting from. The big question. I gave an evasive response that could give her an opportunity of access to me and more talk time: 'Port Harcourt City'.
There's probably something I know that she could have learnt from, be blessed by or access I have that she could find profitable. I hoped she would defy regular humanity and maybe give me a benefit of doubt so I could at least, do my bit in showing Nigeria has awesome people too, along side our undeniable, yahoo-yahoo compatriots. Alas, that was not to happen.
She was curious to know where Port Harcourt CITY was in. I finally had to say it, Nigeria.
'Nice to meet you. I'm chatting from Texas City, USA' was her response. Before I sigh in relief that she probably was one of the objective people, I got a message from Mark Zuckerberg, himself:
"You can't reply to this conversation. Learn more." Of course, I had been blocked!
Once again, someone had missed out on another opportunity of enjoying life's richness stored in people different from them in culture and experience, because of stereotype.
I'm not unaware of the real pains caused by several scammers from Nigeria to the families of duped people (both men and women). I am not about to attempt to start a campaign for Teresa Huck to apologise, like some ultra sensitive elements in the West are in the habit of doing (this sounds stereotypical but just take it). I'm also not hurt. In the words of Shakespeare, ''Last last, we are all in the abroad!'' Nigeria is abroad to those in AmeLica!
Also very importantly, there's nothing to forgive, seeing I am not offended (My title is just vestiges of newspaper sensationalism or a figure of speech). The culture I am raised in, to not forgive is NOT IN OUR experience. If there's anything to forgive, we forgive speedily and love fiercely.
My point is, it's possible to use stereotypes wisely, seeing they cannot be thrown away in life. To throw out all stereotypes is like throwing off all accumulated knowledge just because you can do research yourself.
What can you do with stereotypes? Stereotypes sometimes show observed trends. We should acknowledge observed trends on one hand, when dealing with cases with potential of grave losses and possible harm. And on the other hand we must be mindful to note individuality of people we meet everyday and give them a chance.
Look again, some people you think you hate or know for evil because of some stereotype, are a treasure trove and may very well be the next best comrade for life!
(PS: About naming the woman, Teresa Huck, with the blond hair, its not an oversight. She didn't do anything evil, so this is not defamation of character. She just wasn't correct this time while following self preservation instincts. And forgive any typos, I'm not being paid to write here).
(PS2: Lol! I later found out, the account was being run by another scam artist, possibly from Nigeria)
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