Can I tell you something that you can take to the bank?
About your close friends and some of the awesome people you have around you now, not all of them will always be on the same page with you: believe as you do or share your values, or even like you. Take that to the bank!
Some will eventually move from an active role in your life to become, well wishers from afar, others strangers, and even enemies! This is not necessarily a bad thing—life happens.
It is impractical to expect all your friends from Secondary school, university days or even from your former association to still stay in touch exactly the same way they did when you were all in one social construct.
Of course, some will but notice that, that number that stays constantly in touch is usually less than a 'tithe'. If they're more than that percentage, you're either Warren Buffet, Nelson Mandela or Jim Carrey (you're probably thinking that that last line makes no sense, trust me, I'm thinking the same thing too but just leave it like that).
This still does not make those who don't stay in touch, irrelevant. That is one reason why I am never hasty to delete people from my phone diary when I leave a place, institution or group. This does not also mean I keep everybody's number (however, scientists at NAFDAC agree that its okay, in cases of an unpleasant break up, to QUICKLY delete Ebube's number, for sanity sake).
People generally pick offence when you haven't been in touch for a while and only call them when there is a challenge. I believe we can think differently about this.
You should be willing to be the person, someone calls primarily when they're in trouble and not feel like you're being used by them.
Tell me, of all the phone numbers of cousins, uncles and aunties you have—people who are important to you—how many have you not dialed in the past 2 years? Are they for that reason, unimportant? Will it be taking advantage of them to call them concerning their participation in a coming marriage or a burial, after having not spoken in years?
Tell yourself the truth: important people are not only those people whose phone numbers are on your most Frequently Called list.
Why am I writing this? I got contacted yesterday by someone who at one time during my teens years was like the most important female friend and colleague I had. We don't speak often as she's usually outside the country, these days. Well, she wanted to apologise for only contacting me when there's something to tackle. I didn't think an apology was necessary.
I have made my peace with this cold fact of life–some of our loved ones and people who are part of our everyday cycle, won't always be in that seat of focused attention and same applies for us. This is especially true for many university BFFs (da Lord sent me to burst ya bubble).
But there is enough milk in life to stay amiable and ready to help people--even if it's only for old times sake.
Why look far to cite an example. I get to travel relatively regularly and in one of my travels I got into some trouble and was stuck. It was a desperate condition. First, my immediate contacts were unavailable or not taking calls at the time. My help that day, as it turned out, came from one call I made to someone I last saw 2004, when we were leaving Secondary school! Thanks Ukaegbu Paul.
What's the point of this write up? Don't write people off quickly when you move on (whatever 'move on' means to you). Also don't be hesitant to help just because you're only called when there's a challenge.
Practically, not everyone who cares about you can keep in touch as much as you may want them to. This is normal: don't read it as enmity. People often keep their distance not because they're now antagonistic. It's this simple...
LIFE HAPPENS!
[PS: this post is not saying loyalty does not exist; that's not the topic I'm addressing]
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